Dating Japan - Meet and Date Japanese Girls

Connecting with Konpa

 

Traditionally, Konpa is a type of Japanese social event organized by university students in order to forge friendships with people who may benefit careers or social lives.

 All participants carefully chosen and invited to join the event which takes place over drinks and nibbles in an izakaya (think Japanese style pub – izakaya loosely translates into 'place to drink and eat' with more emphasis on the drink).

Men and women have particular roles to assume during konpa.  While the women are usually more passive (surprise, surprise!) tending to peoples’ needs throughout the evening and responding appropriately to the activity around them, the men are more active, taking on the roles of storyteller and entertainer.

 While this style of konpa still occurs, nowadays the event is more associated with dating and often described to foreigners as Japan’s answer to  speed dating, minus the haste. 

There are two types of dating konpa.  The first is called Goukon or Joint Konpa and is held for those looking for a serious relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  The mechanics of it are very similar to the traditional konpa, and in all honesty, are somewhat boring – this coming from both a foreigner and Japanese perspective.  It really depends on the group, but because these parties are usually so controlled, and minutely planned, the tone of the evening tends to follow suit – even with copious amounts of alcohol.

The second style is referred to as Yarikon which basically translates into Sex Konpa (yaru – Japanese slang which means to have sex; kon – konpa),  No prizes for what this one is about!  Think swingers, think debauchery, think ‘no serious relationship required’.  Not surprisingly, these gatherings occur in the privacy of homes or love hotels and are very difficult to source.

Mind you though, It has to be said that if you play your cards right at the Goukon, a one-on-one private Yarukon party is usually not too far off – it is amazing how far the “I’m looking for a serious relationship only” line will get a foreigner in Japan.

Miss Riz x

The Japanese Tradition

I am beginning to think the Japanese traditional way of "girl meets boy" involves a lot of stalking and general creepiness.  In order to do these things in the right proportion, please see the below.

 

Things that worried me most:

1. The Smile - so, so creepy.  Particularly in close up, bleached or unbleached.

2. That even the animation has the men stalking a number of women waiting for that opportunity of "coincidence" to show itself.  " She may feel your routines are just similar, this less of a coincidence."  She also may feel she is being followed.

3. The joke telling.  If any man dropped those punch lines on me, I would drop him.  And punch something too.

4. Japanese women want tough men.  And apparently all good mean go to the beauty parlor everyday.  Do the math -  that will never add up.

5. The Jam Bottle Opener Trainer.   Somehow I think this is aimed at getting more than a jam lid off.

I can't wait for the follow up to this!

Miss Riz x

Dressing the Part #1

Dressing the part is a huge thing in Japan.  And dressing like each other when you are a couple is an even bigger phenomenon, so much so that it has its' own term "Pair Rooku" - English translation "Pair Look" i.e. the pair that looks the same. 

I hit the ski fields of Hakuba this past weekend and was excited to find that Pair Rooku extends to the slopes also.  This isn't necessarily a good thing.

I was lucky enough to see the same couple later that evening at a local festival, still wearing the matching ski jackets, minus goggles and head gear, where I was surprised to discover that they were a slightly older pair, in their mid-50s.

This couple should be the revered example for all other couples that perhaps mock the Pair Rooku concept.  It is now obvious that the couple that dresses together, stays together!

Miss Riz x

Mardi Gra Ramen

It is not very often you see anyone being openly gay in Japan.  So when I stumbled across this little piece on Youtube, I was bemused, amused and confused  - particularly when the kids get involved.  Not sure about that. Nonetheless, some of the reactions are priceless, if not a little cringeworthy.

 

Ramen anybody?

Miss Riz x

Dating Survival Guide #2 - When Japanese Women Attack

Following on from Survival Guide #1, when it comes to revenging the hapless, gaijin male, Japanese women have been known to quite literally go on the attack and it seems that nothing is sacred.  Hell hath no fury like a Japanese women scorned.

 

• After casually dating for 6 weeks, Tim decided to break it off with Makiko.  "She was nice and all but there was just nothing more in it, so I called it off", Tim explained. "Makiko refused to believe it was over and kept coming around anyway.  I used to pretend I wasn't home so my flatmates would cover for me.  And then the phone calls would start - 'I know you are home, I followed you from the train station'.  It got to the point where my flatmates refused to start answering the buzzer when it rang too - thank God we lived in an apartment with security that meant all visitors had to be buzzed up."  Eventually Makiko gave up and moved onto someone else - with it ending in similar circumstances.
• Matt had a slightly more disturbing experience when he broke up with Rie.  "She had an obsession with knots.   She used to like tying things up, including me, which was all fun and games for a while.  When it ended she made it known to me she wasn't happy.  But I didn't realise how unhappy she was until I received a phone call one night from my flatmate.  I was out on the town, she who was in tears - she had come home to find a doll with my picture on it, a noose around it, hanging from the hallyway light.  We were all freaked out by that one."
• Scarily enough, rape is another one that Japanese women will often hold of a foreigner's head - and one unlucky guy I know has gone through this several times.  "When you look at it, who would the police believe?  The 'small, meek, innocent' Japanese girl, or the 'scary, wild and badly behaved' foreigrner? I have had to give in and just jeep dating them and doing the best I can to put them off and wait til they get bored.  I will no longer date Japanese women."  Understandably so!

i think the winner is this one though.

• After going out on a single date with a young local lady who he discovered he had nothing in common with - and therefore did not want any subsequent dates - one poor man found his car had been vandalised with graffiti reading "You never rubbed me!"  Correct.  He didn't rub her.  He didn't love her either. 

Of course, any romance anywhere between anybody can end badly, but it helps if you have a plane ticket and valid passport ready and waiting...just in case!

Miss Riz x

The Long and Short of It All.

Billed as "tall, sexy Japanese flirting", I think the below is more like a game of sexed-up Keepings Off.  Does this look like flirting to you?   

Well, he does look like he is enjoying himself somewhat, so who am I to say anything?

Miss Riz x

The Moral of the Story Is...

Hmmm perhaps this post will serve as a warning to my station platform buddy... 

My partner was at a party in central Tokyo a few weeks back, where he met a fellow Aussie.  Rather quickly, the conversation steered to what they were both doing in Japan and this Aussie, let's call him Oz, shot back "Well I am professional photographer" much in the same way some bartenders might say the same thing "I'm a professional bartender" lest we think they are merely a bartender.

Anyway Oz kept yapping away, next directing the conversation to how well he was doing with the Japanese gals.  My boy was saying that Oz obviously lacked confidence but was gaining a huge amount of bravado by saying these things - and possibly with the help of a lot of alcohol.  It then got to the point that no matter how well anyone else in the social discussion was doing in any aspect of their lives, Oz deemed he was doing better.

So it then comes out that Oz was dating a Japanese model.  After this information "slipped out", Oz then proceeded to make his way around the room, asking others what they did for a  living simply so he could go on about his professional photography and his hot, model girlfriend, whereby next he would whip out his phone and start showing photos of her - none of which, interestingly enough, actually showed her face.

"We are so in love", Oz announced to the room.  "Everything is so wonderful.  I mean who can believe she would be with me?"  No arguments there Oz.

So with a bit more booze, Oz started to open up on the topic of marriage asking my previously-married partner and his previously-married mate if he should indeed pop the question to this his girlfriend of a whole 2 months.

"Well have you really thought about it?" the guys asked Oz.  "I mean marriage is a big thing, she won't be a hot model forever, things can go wrong just as much as they go well..." etc, etc, etc.

"Um no not really," came Oz's short reply.  "But I just know I feel so good when I walk down the street with her and everyone looks at me and thinks 'What is she doing with him?'"

And sound the alarm bells.  A few more beers later and Oz admits he has actually already asked her and she has said yes.  The room was nearly stunned into silence - and finally so was Oz.

And that was that.   Until a few days ago when one of the other party goers bumped into a more sober and sombre Oz, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but in conversation with this person.

"So how are the wedding plans coming along?", Oz was asked.

The reply was very blunt and brutal - probably delivered to this person much the same way as it was delivered to Oz himself.

"She got her US Greencard approval in the mail.  Sent to her by her husband.  She upped and left."  Oz didn't really want to talk about it.

Oz is now just a photographer, sans hot, model fiance, dignity nor the desire to ever take another photo.

And the moral of the story is: That's Japan Baby (#2)...

Miss Riz x

To Nanpa or Not To Nanpa...

Nanpa is definitely one of the more peculiar forms of dating in Japan for gaijin to get their heads around. it is basically a way of flirting or a seduction technique unique to Japanese culture that tends to happen in busy, public places.

Men stand around on the street, watching women walk by. When a man sees a women he likes the look of, he asks her out. Though the evening may start innocently enough, it's fairly habitual for the evening to finish in a love hotel - I guess when you ply someone with enough alcohol anything is possible! It must be noted too, that Nanpa porn is also on the increase in Japan - imagine little Keiko-chan going out to get her bento box for lunch, but instead being bento'd herself by 5 guys in the short space of her one hour lunch break? Probably much safer to start bringing lunch from home.

You see Nanpa going on all around you too, day and night - the Ebisubashi Bridge (in front of the Running Man) in Osaka is always a favourite Nanpa spot, as is the main drag of Roppongi in Tokyo. Just take 5 or 10 minutes to stand back and watch a Nanpa experience unfold in front of you, or check out the video below:

 

One person's notion of harrassment is another person's idea of foreplay...

Miss Riz x

That's Japan Baby #1

 3 days in and it is already happening.  I was at the  local train station when I was harshly reminded of  the fact that dating in Japan is full of anomalies,  which  are more often than not in favour of the  gaijin (foreign) male.   There in front of me was a  gorgeous Japanese girl.  Dressed in the nation's  unofficial winter uniform for all girls under 25 -  short skirt, knee high boots, white fluffy jacket -  she was dutifully draping herself over a very  awkward looking  man-boy who was definitely the  one lucking up in this partnership.   In short he  was waaaaaaaaaaay out of her league.

 You all know the type.  Back in his home country  he has probably never talked to any woman  outside of family and now that he has that "gaijin"  cool about him, suddenly he is in demand and has  gone from having no personality to an over-  abundance of it that makes you want to punch the  living day lights out of him.  Which is exactly how I  felt when this particular guy decided to run his  eyes over me and give me a look that suggested  something along the lines of "You know you want it."

My look in return said something like this: "You know as much as I do that if the girl you are with had actually had any experience with a gaijin male outside of a DVD, she would drop you like a ton of sushi."

To which he looked away with a smug, smarmy smile suggesting he didn't care because he knew there were hordes of others just like her waiting in the wings - or their next English lesson.

This is the kind of guy who will probably end up staying in Japan, knowing he has it far better here than what his homeland has offered before, and also knowing deep down somewhere that he couldn't go back to living under the radar - his new found ego wouldn't handle it.

But this is the kind of guy who will also probably always live in fear of sorts, knowing that at any moment his Japanese lady love could discover the truth. 

I bet she wonders why he never takes her home to meet his family and friends...

Miss Riz x

Sour Grapes or On The Money?

Well due to monsoonal weather in the north of Australia, my flights to Japan got grounded - as did my Valentines Day plans!  So I was holed up in a dodgy hotel trying to make the best of a bad situation - and when I found out my travel insurance would pay for $200 worth of food and booze beverages for every 12 hours I was delayed, I came to the realisation it wasn't so bad afterall. 

Although I have a feeling nobody is compensating this guy, I do agree with some of his sentiment.  I still think he needs a Valentine...or at least a hug!

 

Miss Riz x